changing tides

life has taken a turn for the better... well, not really actual living situations. life is still the same as it was before. same problems with work and family... living at the same place. still no car (but I want that Corvette!!!!), still no this, still no that... but my HEART is changing. old things are being broken. new things are coming! fears are being ripped away, lies are being erased... friends are... FRIENDS!

ok, I know that looks like babbling nonsense... but to me it makes sense... so :-P haha

I can't believe it's almost May... seriously, I can't. this year is flying by so fast. I need time to slow down. or for people to ACT FASTER! it's been way too long... I shouldn't have to wait for you to say something. seriously, everyone's already thinking it... why aren't you saying anything?! I'd say something, but I've already said a lot of stuff... ball's in your court, dude.

that is all.

my Corvette!!!!!

last week I was talking with a friend about how I need a car and how I would LOVE to have a metallic orange Corvette but would never pay for a Corvette as they're so expensive. I started joking about how maybe God would give me one... I made up some kind of story like me waking up in the morning and going outside to find a metallic orange Corvette in front of my house and that it was for me... so, this morning after not wanting to go anywhere due to too many clouds and me being sleep I finally left my place to come here to study... and alas, look what was seen parked in front of my house (fyi, I live in a "ghetto" part of town and the nicest car you ever see in my area is a Mustang):

ok, so this week was somehow crappy and amazing at the same time... go figure. my foot swelled up like crazy on Wed. from the stupid spider bite and it was hurting like a bruise. by Wed evening I was a bit worried about it. had my friends pray for it and took some allergy meds and iced it up. that helped a bit... but by Thurs morning it was swollen more than it had been on Wed. I'd show you pix, but really you don't want to see how swollen it was from a bite. so gross! so I was freaking out and people were like "you'll be fine, don't worry about it". and then other people were telling me horror stories. so, basically, I was going from relaxed and ok to freaking out about it. it didn't help any that I was literally on my feet all day on Thurs. there was a substitute for the class I help in for math... and, of course, she's not that good at math. so instead of sitting at the back of the class trying to stay awake while the teacher teaches, I was on my feet the whole time teaching the lesson and helping individual students. I prefer doing that anyhow, but my foot didn't like it all that much. I explained some algebra concepts to the part of the class learning algebra cuz they totally didn't get it when the teacher explained it... and she normally has me helping the bigger group of kids that aren't as advanced. so the algebra kids were happy, and so were the other kids... cuz somehow I managed to teach two different lessons in one class period and help all the students that were needing help. perhaps I multiplied myself?! haha after lunch one class was in an assembly so I ended up watching some kids that were in trouble and not allowed to go to the assembly.... then 8th grade came, and I got really mad at the 8th grade teacher. if it weren't for the fact that she's the vice-principal, I would have said something right away. see, I have all my classes working on a big project that will last til the end of the year. I gave each teacher a note describing what we're doing and that they're in groups and etc, etc, etc. I even talked with the 8th grade teacher on Tues about it cuz she was asking me about what their groups were. I told her that they chose their own groups and that she should ask them. wellll.... on Thurs. she sent down half the class (like she always does), but the partners for half of the ones she sent were still in class. and the other half of the class hasn't been to my class in months... literally. so I scrapped the project for the day and taught them how to use powerpoint. I was so angry, though! how could she do that to me after I explained everything to her... GRRRRRR on top of that, I was still freaking out about my enormously huge foot and not knowing what to do about it. after school Shani was there to do my tutoring for me... but somehow my classroom got inundated with students needing this or that and of course I was the one that was expected to help them with everything. then there was drama going on about some 8th grade students... and really, I just never slowed down. when I did finally stop moving, I put my foot up on the desk and just stared at it. haha alrighty, so I ended up being late to my leadership meeting at 6:00 cuz I was buying Claritin for my foot (I took it Wed. night and that seemed to help for about 12 hrs). I asked a friend what to do and he said that it'd be fine and to not worry. I said to myself, "ok, I trust him." even though I didn't believe it. lol when I woke up Fri. morning, my foot was looking fine. I was a bit surprised. it stayed that way for most of the morning. but I was on my feet all day, even though Gwen wanted me to stay off my feet cuz of the bite, cuz I had a million things to do that required standing/walking and so after lunch it started swelling up again. I showed my friend a pic of how my foot looked on Thurs. and he then realized why I had been freaking out so much. fortunately my foot never discoloured, so I knew it wasn't that bad... but the fact that it was so swollen and not itchy at all really bothered me. anyhow, today is Sat. and I have a huge assignment I need to complete today as well as several other things I need to do... but I'm not quite motivated yet, which is why I wrote this tremendously long paragraph. hahaha

I think I shall stop now and try to focus on my work... heck, so far I'm not even focused enough to start my music. I've got my earphones in and iTunes open... and I haven't started it yet! seriously, that's weird. hahahaha I just turned it on and the first song that came on is titled "How's Your Head". I always have it on random, so I end up with a lot of "what the heck?!" moments in the transitions between songs... =0)

foot foot foot... itchy ouchy

hello hello! it's been a while since I've blogged regularly. I've been incredibly busy and with the lack of internet at home, blogging has become more of a luxury than anything.

I don't have much to say other than... MY FOOT ITCHES!!!! and it feels all bruised, too. stupid bug bites... GRRRRRRRRRRRR

so, yesterday I'm at work and notice a bug bite on my thumb. but it's this weird bug bite that I've only gotten before at the house I live at before. it's really odd. anyhow, a little later in the day my foot suddenly started itching and I couldn't stop scratching it (see pic below... it's the bug bite that looks like it's gonna scab over). you see, I really don't know where the bug bite came from and when I got it. all I know is that when I got home and was trying to kill the venom with anti-bacterial that it burned like crazy. then today while I was at work I started scratching at it again... stupid bug bites make me do stupid things. lol then I realized that it suddenly started itching in another spot. which I immediately started scratching. haha I'm a dork. anyhow, later when I had time I looked at my foot and was like "EWWWWWWWWWW" cuz the bug bites are big and yucky. but the one that's higher up on my foot, and hasn't been scratched as much, feels like a bruise when I touch it. it's so painful! seriously. I never had a painful bug bite before. so random. anyhow, here's the pic of my poor foot:

ok, enough about the foot... I wanna say other stuff but I don't think it's appropriate to share the news with the whole world. so I'll try to vaguely refer to what I'm talking about. I got some crappy news yesterday and I feel like crap for the person that the crappy news directly affects (crap crap crap crap? I think that's what the text I sent out to some of my friends about it said... word for word... "crap crap crap crap crap". haha)... there's nothing I can do to change the situation, but I wish that I could just sit down with someone and cry... I mean, I cried by myself last night but having someone to sit there with me or even just say "I'm sorry" would make a huge difference. seriously, just "I'm sorry".... I don't want them to solve the problem or even pretend that they can understand the situation or even say anything at all about it. I just want them to be there for me... to allow me to be sad and know that someone's there for me.

alrighty... so.... flow of thought: I've got minor allergies and my foot itches/hurts and somehow the mocking of my short pinky and how I can't do things with it has been revived... and I'm full from a Thai style pasta salad and a croissant. seriously full... and is this steamer really cheesecake flavoured? I can't tell and I'm almost done with it. I think I'll go back to cinnamon next time. :) so, tomorrow's Wed. I wonder how it's gonna go. plans continue or plans get dropped? I guess I'm find out. hopefully I won't be too moody. seriously... I should pray about that. I don't wanna bite anyone's head off, even though they probably deserve it! I hope I don't get bored at work. oh wait, I have plenty to do. that shouldn't be a problem. I'm tired. maybe I should head home? of course, then I'd have to ask my ride to drive me home. I need a car... Corvette? metallic orange?! YESSS!!!!!!!! you gonna get me one? otherwise it's a no go. I'm procrastinating so bad right now. Sat.'s gonna suck! I have an assignment due and I haven't even started on it. something about making a dictionary... using terms from my linguistic book... and making a proper style dictionary that could pass in the world of dictionary making. haha there's a phrase for that but I can't remember what it is.... linguistics is so interesting. I say that too often. but I mean it! ok, game over.... I'm no fun today...

my heart

I feel like... gee, how do I explain this? ok, try to follow me here...

I feel like my heart is a broken china glass that has been repaired. haha what a weird comparison. anyhow, I feel like before I didn't know how to receive from people any kind of compliments or good things. I just physically could not accept it. I wasn't used to it and I didn't have a compartment for receiving, if that makes any sense. then someone hastily pasted the broken piece back into place and I was able to receive some but a lot still leaked through. even retaining that little bit was foreign to me. I'm still waiting for that piece to be permanently replaced on the cup... but yeah, that's how I feel. it's hard for me receive cuz I'm not used to it. even someone just being thoughtful of me sometimes throws me off guard and I don't know how to react. pitiful...

anyhow, I'm still learning to accept & receive people's thoughtfulness... whether in words or help. don't try to force it on me cuz I WILL argue with you. (I like to argue... haha) but if I receive it, you should take it as a compliment. :)

anyhow, enough about that... it was just a thought cuz of some stuff that happened yesterday and I was thinking about it.

not much going on in my life right now. same ol', same ol'. work, work, school, work, eat?, sleep?. I'm ready for a vacation...

wow, I think my brain actually froze. I can't think of anything to say. that is quite rare. so I guess I'll go now and leave you to things more interesting than me rambling about nothing.

250

I'm sitting here attempting to do my homework for Chinese when I come across the Chinese phrase "二百五" and it sends me into a fit of laughter. it literally means 250 but it's implication is "idiot". I think I started laughing cuz every time I hear it or remember it I think of the one time I heard someone say it during a meeting but they literally meant the number... and I was laughing hysterically and got everyone around me laughing at it. haha so, here's the story!

it was Dec/Jan(?) of the first school year I worked in China and I was attending a meeting with all the Chinese teachers at the school (yeah, that means I'd been there for less than 6 months and I was sitting in a full day meeting that was being held in all Chinese and I was understanding large portions of what was going on). they were discussing how we could get more students in the school and what not... including better students. the principal said our goal was to get "二百五学生" (250 students) and I started laughing and said to my friend sitting next to me... "we already have that!" and he started laughing and repeated "二百五". next thing I know, all the people around me are giggling about it. and then the principal started laughing. it was really funny.

ever since then, the phrase "二百五" throws me into fits of laughter. :)

sea worms?!

randomly thought of this dish in China that whenever I asked what it was (yes, I broke my own rule of asking what a food is... but I expect weird answers and have had pretty weird things even after knowing what it is, so it doesn't bother me anymore) I was told "the Yantai specialty". seriously annoying when I really wanted to know what it was and all I could get out of them is that and that it's a sea creature. so I've spent about 2 hrs of my life trying to figure out what it is... and alas, I've gotten a picture. it's labelled "sea worm", but I can't find any other info than that. oh well... hope you "enjoy" this pic. haha (and yes, it tastes as odd as it looks) if you happen to figure out what it really is... please let me know. it's bugging me~