potty emergency

earlier today I had a thought and then immediately thought "I should write about THAT on my blog!".... but alas, I have totally forgotten what I was going to write about. hahaha I slept in this morning. it felt really good, but at the same time I don't like sleeping in too late cuz then I feel like I've wasted my day. I went to Target and did some shopping and bought a Starbucks. maybe I shouldn't have bought Starbucks... I have a headache now. well, whatever. no biggeee... worship team is here already (wow... they got here at 3:30!). pastor Che hasn't sent me his outline yet. I guess that means either he has no outline or.... it means that I'm gonna have to get in early tomorrow to do it. eh, I always get in early. I'm the one that shows up earlier than everyone else to make sure that there's nothing that is screwed up. although, Andrew's a bit like me and does the same so recently I've been less proactive about checking stuff. that's good cuz I'm learning to "chill" and not take responsibility for everything. hopefully that means that when I disappear for a vacation that I won't have to be attached to my cell phone before, during and after services to make sure that everything goes smoothly. that'll be a first! haha

Monday is Labor Day. looks like I'm going hiking with Jenn . YAY! I haven't been hiking in a long time. we're probably gonna take a long trail. I'm really excited. I just need to remember to not play it cool & forget to bring my knee brace... or "forget" to wear it when I'm obviously hurting. haha I would do that. anyhow, we're probably gonna go somewhere new. http://www.localhikes.com/Hikes/EastFork_4472.asp normally I go to Sturtevant Falls. anyhow, yeah... we're probably gonna do that, plus iHop for breakfast and a massage in the evening. YESSS!!! sounds like a perfect day. I'm excited! and I think I'm gonna help her study Chinese tomorrow. and on Tues. we're gonna go to Rebecca's with Daisy and have Mr. Pizza. The potato gold pizza is YUMMYLICIOUS! yes, I made up a new word because that is how good it is!

so, today I uploaded a ton more pix to my myspace. they're all "artsy" pics. well, not really artsy... but scenery pix I've taken all over the place. I like them. haha I told Jenn to check out my pix today and she was shocked to see the video that we created at the Great Wall. haha but she liked it, so it's all good. then she asked me about the one pic at Magic Mountain and asked me what tv show that shot was from... here it is. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv1WfG3bFO0 seriously, I've been to Magic Mountain about a million times in my life and watching those credits make me laugh every time because that show was supposed to take place somewhere back east but that's definitely Magic Mountain out here in California and the "ocean" is obviously digitally enhanced to cover up the parking lot.

I really have to go pee right now but I don't feel like getting up. how lame is that?! haha but I guess I should go cuz I have a dessert I want to heat up in the microwave and eat before people start showing up here and try to eat it for me. :-D

oh my gosh! I think I just remembered what I wanted to write a blog about! www.kazoos.com! seriously, check it out! I'd write more about it right now (I have plenty of thoughts about it)... but... I think I've got a potty emergency right now! hahaha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_rLSZQOOG0

alrighty then... not much else to say for now, but I may write another blog later if I get bored. we'll see. I will be at a computer all night, so it is possible. =0)

thoughts

so, today wasn't too bad. I'm still needing a holiday and my knee was twitching the whole day. I was mostly busy, too. but I was still thinking a lot... today we had our going away lunch for Minoska. gonna miss having her in the office! so then I started thinking about my teaching job... I miss it. I really do. they still have me as a teacher on their web-page http://stalphonsusschool.org/teachers_lounge/index.htm . so I texted Mrs. Alvarez while I was working and asked if she missed me yet. haha

last night I discovered why my car was riding funny... yeah, a lug nut is missing and another one was so loose that it was almost off. I tightened all of them and went on my merry way. I really do need to get a replacement for the missing one. I'll either do that after I'm done with the net or I'll do it in the morning. most likely in the morning. I'm enjoying my laptop with music way too much right now. if you ever had the illusion that I'm "normal", please don't hesitate to listen to my music on random... I'm sure that will cure you from the illusion.

my wrists are sore. I did way too much data entry these past 2 days. I really do hate it... but I prefer it over having nothing to do. blech.

so, a friend of mine that I've known since 2nd grade (ha! beat that, Gabe! I've only known you since I was in jr. high. :-P ) reminded me that I used to complain about my knee in high school. then I remembered... I HAD injured it before my car accident! the car accident was more of a re-injury than it was an initial injury. in high school one time I went horse back riding for a friend's b-day and the trail was too small... (yeah, lame inner city trails) so when we came to the point we had to turn around there wasn't much room. one horse turned around and started passing me. as it did my knee got stuck behind it and the horse kept going. there was nothing I could do about it. anyhow, I remember the awful pain as well as the swelling and weakness. I guess after a while either it diminished some or I just got used to it. anyhow, yeah... so I don't know if that means that my knee must be really bad right now or what. if anyone happens to have a do-it-yourself MRI kit, please let me know and I'll be right over. I really do need to find out what's wrong with it.

ok, I totally got distracted with other stuff and forgot that I was writing a blog... wow... well, if you're bored and want to see a bunch of pix of me, please go to my myspace page. www.myspace.com/sarahlee7 I just added a bunch of pictures. not so sure why I added them to myspace and not facebook when I definitely use facebook more, but whatever...

I'm thinking I should go now. I have nothing else to say and I keep getting distracted by the smallest things. so yeah... maybe I'll blog again tomorrow. I hope so. I'm kind of on a blogging streak and I'm enjoying it. :-D

back in business!

YESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm busy in the office once again. :-D now I just need to remember to control my workaholic tendencies and not work straight through lunch, like I almost did just now. at least I remembered to eat this time! and I'm not working at the moment... (doesn't mean I'm not thinking about work, though!)

I know it's a bit odd to be so excited about being busy in the office... but being bored has nearly been the death of me. at least while I was in China I could walk around the campus when I was bored or needed a break. here I've got to be available to answer phones. blech!

so, just a quickie thought before I disappear. if any of you are looking for the PERFECT, most memorable way to quit your job (and you don't care what your employer says about you after you leave)... PLEASE ask me for ideas. even if it's just to entertain yourself. I came up with the perfect way for a friend to quit at her current job, even though she's not gonna do it... :-P anyhow, I was impressed & amused by my ideas. so yeah, if you need a good chuckle and want to imagine the best way to quit your job, you really need to ask me. I have a great imagination. hahaha

about my great imagination... I had THE WEIRDEST dream (ok, I say that about almost every weird dream I have... but this one was pretty odd) the other night. long story short. I was pregnant but still a virgin and was showing as if I were several months along (I could feel the baby kicking, etc, etc) but was telling everyone I was only a few weeks along (and I'm sure that's what I believed). so yeah, nobody believed I was a virgin and the person helping me out (not naming any names!) was being accussed of sleeping with me... so we had to sneak around to get me to have a doctors appointment, because apparently we knew everyone in all the hospitals...?! HUH?!?! yeah... way weird...

ok, since I fulfilled my writing quota for today (I really do love writing... just time prohibits me some), I'm going to play a cheesy game online for a few min's (if I don't get distracted by looking up cervical spondylolysis, that's what my bro has, or PCL injuries, which is what's wrong with my knee) before I get back to all my work. until next time..... =0)

injuries suck (especially when they're my brother's!)

yeah, I'd be one to know how badly injuries suck... and yes, I'm notorious for NOT taking care of my injuries. in fact, just today I tweaked my knee a little and it's now bugging the snot out of me. it was already giving me a hard time and then I had to go and tweak it. eh, I'm mostly used to it. I've gotten better about taking care of myself but am still careless.

well, the other day I found out my bro had a stress fracture in his neck. knowing him it probably hurt like crazy before he even considered going to the doctor about it. turns out he also has degenerative disk something or other (yeah, I'm deep... I don't even know what the technical term is for what's wrong with my knee!). so I was talking with my sis-in-law's mom about it. turns out the Army hospital doesn't want to do anything for him. they only discovered the problem because he had an x-ray for the fracture. now they aren't taking any course of action. I'm ready to put up my fists and FIGHT for him. they didn't give him any details about what's wrong or offer any form of relief or anything. I'm just glad he's not on the field right now, cuz he's as stubborn as me and would continue working as hard as possible until his body falls apart before his eyes. haha I may have exaggerated a teeny tiny bit, but yeah... we're like that.

maybe I'll just have to go up to see him and his family instead of doing other travels for a vacation. I DO want to see them! I miss them all! but at the same time, I need a real holiday... we'll see what happens. I'm gonna talk with my chiropractor and see what he has to say. and I know his wife and his mother-in-law aren't gonna let him sit around and get trampled all over. I just wanna make sure he's gonna be ok. he's had back pain since jr. high and has never gotten it taken care of. I'm just surprised that the Army is being so stupid.

so, thinking about my bro's injury made me start thinking about mine. nothing deep about them. I mean, there's not much I can say about them that hasn't already been said. I've been going to the chiropractor for a month now & he says that my neck is improving faster than they expected. they already took my update x-ray this week because of how fast it's improving. (*whispering* don't tell him that I haven't been doing 3 of the 4 exercises he gave me!!!!) it's totally God's grace that I've been improving so quickly. I just wish there was something he could do for my knee and my fractures. but alas, those are unfixable injuries. well, the knee can be fixed with surgery. I'm thinking I just may do that one day. especially for once I have kids. I can't kneel or crawl on the floor or anything witout it really bothering me let alone run around and play soccer (haha yeah, soccer! soccer's the best!). my leg even gets tired swimming and I wear a knee brace when I know I'm going to be doing an unusually large amount of walking. it's just inconvenient. so, the other day Doug was making fun of when my back got fractured. I always tell everyone I fell from 7 ft. I'm not exactly sure how high I was when I fell... but Doug always tells people that I fell from 15 ft. I find it pretty funny. I doubt I was actually that high, but I know I was at least 7 ft high.

not much else to say about injuries. my elbow seems to be getting a bit better. but then again, I haven't been playing any sports with it lately or doing too much heavy lifting. concert season is starting up again so we'll see how it goes when we strike & reset stage in a few weeks. my poor, poor fractured/broken finger is now fine. I'm just glad that, for once, my instincts set in and I immediately realized "I shouldn't be moving this finger at all". it took a few weeks to heal and was quite frustrating at times (especially when trying to work) but am glad I was persistent in taking care of it.

alrighty then, enough about injuries... I'm off to find out all I can about stress fractures and degenerative disk whatever it's called so that I have ammunition to fire at the Army doc's if I have to go out there and yell at them in person.

sleep/rest vs. holiday

ok, I need a holiday. that's the conclusion I came to yesterday. I've finally caught up on all my lack of sleep from the past year or so (at least I THINK I have)... but I'm just worn out. I don't feel like doing anything of worth when I have time off. what I really want to do is get far, far away from here with a friend or two. get into nature and just relax. go hiking, sit and chill and take in the fresh air, go for long walks, etc, etc, etc. I haven't been to China yet this year and that's usually my holiday for the year. even though China is a largely populated country and I don't like big cities all that much... I always find a chance to steal away with me, my music and a long walk. at the Great Wall I take it nice and easy and enjoy the nature around me and worship/pray while thinking about the land around me and China, etc, etc, etc. and I think friends have noticed that when we go to famous places in China I suddenly become really quiet. I just start walking slowly and am very observant... and also trying to pretend that the large crowds of people don't exist. they always get in my way. :-P hahaha at least when I'm in Yantai (my "hometown") I can go almost anywhere and disappear into my world of walking and music. I lived there long enough that most people are used to me by now. although, I'm not liking the recent influx in drunken foreigners there. it disturbs me. I'm glad they don't live in the part of town I did, at least. keep my part of town clean from their junk.

anyhowwwwwwwww........ as I was saying, I need a holiday. I'm hoping to make it out to China some time before the end of the year. but who knows, maybe I won't make it out. that makes me incredibly sad but I'll survive. maybe I need an actual "back to nature" holiday this year. perhaps I should go to South Africa and go to Kruger national park. wow, that was a way random thought. I haven't thought about that place in years. I wonder what it's like. or maybe I should go back to Cairns and spend a week snorkeling there... I really did enjoy the time I spent there snorkeling and kayaking but it just wasn't long enough. or maybe I should go to Inner Mongolia! I've seen so many gorgeous pictures of the land there... I did love going to Sanya, though. I've been told it's like Hawaii, minus the crowds of people and the high prices. I would also love to go to Italy or Germany or basically anywhere in Europe and just have the time to walk around and observe local culture. then again, I'd love to do that in Africa, too. and South America... hahaha I think I just love different cultures and nature and music. all those together make me incredibly happy and relaxed. when I have all of those things at my fingertips, I could be waking up at 5:00am and going to bed at 11:00pm and still not be tired. life is so peaceful when I don't have to worry about what's happening next or how I'm going to keep myself busy or all the stuff I've put off cuz I just don't feel like taking care of it.

you know what's funny.... I've done so much travel abroad (mainly in China, but I've also been in Australia and Korea) yet I've hardly done any travel in the states. I've never been to Yellowstone. never been to the Grand Canyon, though when I was younger my grandma lived in Arizona and we went to visit her at least 2 times a year. I went to the Redwoods up in northern CA once when I was REALLLLYYYY little. yeah, all I remember about it was a huge tree with a street through it. of course I've been up to Mammoth and such in the area... but not in many years and only for day trips. and I've been throughout the San Gabriel mountains/foothills quite a bit. I've also been to Vegas. hahaha oh yeah! I've been to Carlsbad caverns in New Mexico! that was pretty cool. maybe I should stick to traveling in the states for now? but where would I want to go? Colorado? I've always wanted to go there... gorgeous mountains, fresh air, lots of forest and lakes. sounds wonderful. maybe Amish country... just cuz. or should I do the typical touristy stuff I already listed that I haven't done yet? I really don't know... I just need a holiday and out of here.

well, in a few months is my big 3-0. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, yet at the same time I'd be gloriously happy if somehow I received a present of travel for me and a friend or two. what's funny is I love traveling with people yet at the same time I want my own time alone. so I'll travel with them and have a great time and then all the sudden I just stop talking. they don't usually mind, so it's all good. but I like having the options there of being able to talk with someone or not talk with someone at any given moment. haha :-D anyhow, if you happen to know someone that loves me and has large amounts of money that they could donate to the "send Sarah on holiday" fund, make sure they know my b-day is coming up (Nov. 1) and that THAT is what I really want for my b-day. yeah, I know I may say I want a new ipod, a new computer, an orange Corvette or a new place to live (all true), but honestly what I want and need is a holiday. far, far away from here. please send me away. 2 weeks minimum! haha

I promise that when I go away on holiday that I WILL be permanently attached to my cell phone (mostly because I don't wear watches due to being allergic to most metals so that's how I tell time). although, if I'm out of country I can't guarantee I will be responding all that much. then I'd only text if it has to do with work problems/questions.

*sigh* now I'm dwelling on this non-existent holiday that I'm going on. someone please send me away from here!

killing time

really, I haven't used myspace that much since... oh, I'd say some time last year. I started using it again recently and have once again got sucked into the world of myspace... not that I enjoy using it. I don't even really visit people's pages. but I post stupid bulletins with surveys... and I've changed my background picture... and as of about 5 min's ago, I posted a new video. I don't know what compelled me to do that. it could be a very embarrassing one... but oh well. here's the video I just posted:

it was a result of Jenn and I being relieved that we were still alive on the Great Wall. we took a short cut because it was pouring rain and we just wanted to get to our destination faster instead of walking on uneven sized stairs. well, that plan didn't work out too well. the path that I had known so well in previous years had grown over and wasn't visible. so we were sloshing through a stream and being scratched by all the plants and being scared by yumi and donkeys. it was a great adventure. so that's WHY we made that cheesy video. now the song we sang is a different story... no, we didn't make it up. it was stuck in our head for a few weeks. we heard it at a bar in Yantai. a bunch of old drunk men were singing and dancing to it.. and I SWEAR that song went on forever. here's the version of it that I found on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayOr5wd219Q

please please please don't kill me if you get the song get stuck in your head. I'll tell you, though, the only way we got it out of our head was by making the video we did... maybe doing that will help you some? haha

I don't have much to say today. I've just been wasting time on myspace... and it is now 3:45pm and the worship team isn't hear yet. I think they're coming at 4:00pm. maybe I should start getting ready for their arrival. or make a Starbucks run before I actually have work I need to do. hmmm... that sounds like a plan. I don't really want Starbucks, but I want an excuse to get out and walk (I'd rather walk there than drive even though it takes a bit longer) before I need to be sitting for a few hrs again.

my knee has really been bugging the snot out of me the past 2 days. I don't know what caused it. but I do know that it cracked funny the other day. (I'm very aware of unusual things that my knee, low back and elbow do since they've all been injured...) maybe that's why it's acting all weird. or maybe I haven't been exercising it enough. but that doesn't make sense cuz I've been walking a bit. oh well. at least I'm not wearing the knee brace today like I was yesterday. I hate wearing them.

welpers, off I go. hope you enjoyed the 2 videos. :-D

peace

before I start writing anything, I need to say that I LOVE Kenny Peavy's voice!!! I know, I know. I say that to people all the time. but really, his voice is up there in my top 5. seriously! right now I'm listening to some live worship of his from here at HRC. gosh, I love it! hmmm... maybe that's why the first time he co-led worship here I went up to him between services and asked him "can we keep you?!?!" yes, I seriously said that! Jinder was laughing at me... I was just saying what everyone was thinking! :-P anyhow, his worship really blesses me and he's in my top 5 of voices (not that you care or anything). I think I could listen to him, Third Day, Creed and Daughtry all day and never get tired of hearing their voices. :-D ok, so that's not why I'm writing a blog... but I had to say it cuz I'm listening to him now and I was thinking it.

anyhow... so this week God has been teaching me a lot about peace. I know we all have some measure of anxiety in our life and it varies from one issue to the next. well, an "issue" came up with me that I thought would cause me a lot of anxiety and fear and worry. but in the end, God's used it to teach me a lot about just sitting and waiting for His will to be fulfilled. I don't know what that looks like, but it's not for me to worry about. whether things happen as I want them to or whether it's quite the opposite, it doesn't matter. God is in it all. He knows what He's doing and I'm where I need to be for this moment in time. why is life playing out like this? I have no clue... of course I'm a little kid when it comes to stuff like this and I turn to God begging "but WHY?!" usually He doesn't tell me and encourages me to wait. usually I'm too impatient to wait. or rather, the fear comes in. what if it doesn't turn out how I want it to? what if I never get this opportunity again? what if I screw it up? what if? what if? what if? well, God is BIGGER than my what ifs and He can work it all out to THE BEST possible situation. was that easy for me to believe? nope. but He finally broke through my fears and trust issues and desires and I finally realized that all of those problems were not only stupid and lame but showing that I didn't have faith in Him. with one slash of a sword all of that crap has disappeared. at least in this situation. I feel so much peace and light that I know no matter what happens in the end I'll be happy about the result. I don't understand it, but I accept it.

ok, I'm getting pretty hungry and I need to do a few other things before leaving internet land... so I'm gonna go. hope this blog meant something to you.

crazy how...

isn't it crazy how when you're not expecting to get something BAM there it appears right in front of you? and isn't it odd how it doesn't always match up to our expectations yet somehow exceeds them? I don't understand that... but I accept it. :-D I just wish those things weren't taken away from me so quickly and that they'll be restored to me soon... honestly, today's been a rough day even though I've been happy. I just don't get it... I wish it were yesterday again...

making my own rules...

WOW! I have the office to myself this afternoon... and for once I'm actually relieved about it. I anticipate having some "bored" moments, but I have plenty to do so it can't be that bad. thank God I've already caught up with all my back work from the past month. I still don't know how I managed to do it all in a matter of 2 days. anyhow, I just realized the fact that I have the office to myself and can make my own rules really has no affect on me... since I'm a freakin' work-a-holic! haha I'm gonna get to work now... and maybe I'll finish real early and be able to sit around looking on the net for a while before getting off. that'll be nice and relaxing.

pretty feet

ok, I take much pride in the fact that I have attractive feet... but what just happened nearly had me doubled over in hysterics.

I was at Starbucks sitting in a comfy chair minding my own business, reading the Bible. my friend, Shaun, was also there sitting at a table with 2 of the people that work at Starbucks. out of the corner of my eye I noticed a black guy come in and he kept staring at my feet. at first I thought maybe he was looking at my shoes (they're Croc sandals)... but he kept staring. it was kinda creepy, but I kept reading my Bible. I felt safe since big, black guy Shaun was sitting just across the way. the guy comes and sits down in the chair next to me and kinda relaxes but is STILL staring at my feet. I know I have cute feet and all, but really it was creepy. haha then he kinda chuckles and coughs, so I look up and he's opened a Bible... he says "isn't it funny that we're both reading the Bible. by the way, you have really pretty feet." I smile & nod at him and go back to reading my Bible despite feeling him staring at my feet. he then starts talking about my feet again. after that he starts trying to read from his Bible, but the poor guy can't read that well. I felt bad for him. anyhow, all the sudden he jumps up and runs out. I think his bus came or something. but yeah... that was my "adventure" for the day. after he ran out Shaun and I were laughing hysterically. then we talked about his pick-up line. hahaha now that story is the talk of the Starbucks for today. haha :)

inconsiderate people

seriously, people can be so inconsiderate! today while at Baja Fresh I accidently dropped my bluetooth. no big deal. I was blocking the way to where it was so I didn't pick it up immediately. a lady rudely pushed her way around me and stepped on my bluetooth. I heard crunch and saw her kinda speed up and then stop. I picked it up figuring it'd be ok and didn't look at it too closely. she asked if it was ok. I said "yeah" without looking at it, then looked at it and said "oh, well, no... it's not. see..." and showed it to her. it was certainly busted. she then looked at me and says "oh well, it's not my fault" and walked away. HOW RUUUUUUUUUUDE! I didn't expect her to pay for it or to even offer to pay for it or anything. but a "sorry" would have been polite and respectful. I was so frustrated and agitated with her. I didn't say anything to her, though. she wasn't a young kid or a stuck up young adult. she was a lady, probably in her 50's or so, having lunch with a friend. you'd think someone that age would have more respect for people... I guess not.

after I was finished with my lunch I took it over to the Verizon store (cuz I did buy it from Verizon). they replaced it for me even though they're not supposed to. I was so fortunate! the one I bought costs $80! I would've been even more upset if they didn't replace it.

anyhow, I just needed to vent about that. I'm glad I got a new bluetooth, though, and that I didn't make a big deal out of it with the lady like I could have. I was seriously pissed, though.

rest and relaxation

I don't think my body is used to this foreign concept of rest and relaxation. yesterday it decided to wake me up at 7:00am and not let me fall back to sleep. then, after I went to the chiropractor I felt like I should be doing stuff. fortunately I just went online. :) then I went to Starbucks and rested for about 2 hrs. THEN Jenn and I got a 2 hr. massage. YESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! I think it relaxed me too much, though. after that I went to Ten Ren and ordered a "Mixed Free Too" (yeah, that's not actually what it's called... what I wanted was a mixed fruit tea). the funny part is, the waitress totally thought I said a mixed fruit tea. I could barely contain my laughter til I was done ordering my food. hahaha

this morning I slept in til about 10:00. it would've felt more refreshing if I didn't wake up with a stupid headache. but at least I didn't feel rushed to be anywhere and I could just sit and rest until I felt like getting up to do something. now I'm at a cafe eating yummy sweet potato fries and drinking iced rose tea. life is good. :)

I had an odd dream last night. in the dream I was at the school I taught at last year. somehow it was Halloween season and I didn't even realize it. lots of stuff happened that I can't recall. but I do remember that it was my birthday (Nov. 1) at one point and I didn't even realize it til the day was almost over and nobody even wished me a happy birthday or anything. that sucks. well, I guess not too bad. I'm used to it. now THAT sucks. I shouldn't be used to it. oh well. that was my dream.

on the way to the cafe I had ideas of what I wanted to write in the blog, but once I got here I totally forgot what it was. I can't believe it's already August. this year has flown by so quickly. I haven't even gone to China yet! :( but I did go to Tijuana! I miss all my friends from there, already. even though most of them were up here for the conference last week. haha I feel like my days, weeks and months are all melting together. I just realized it's been over a month since I returned from Tijuana.

I just found out I don't have anywhere to be til 7:30pm. wow. I don't know what to do with myself. I would go home and rest... but it's not restful for me there. I need to find something better to do with my time. perhaps shopping! hahaha :)

ok, I'm done rambling. i can't even think of more things to ramble about right now. I think I'm going to take an Aleve. my head really hurts.

non-caffeinated, half awake, but sincere thoughts

have any of you ever found their mind double before? I mean, someone that is SO MUCH like you that it's fun yet creepy... I once did while living in Korea. my "little bro", as I still think of him, was in the band I was working for. whenever we were around each other we'd drive everyone around us crazy. we had the same sense of humor and we often thought the same things at the same time. creepy, yet entertaining. we even had a lot of the same interests. same style of music, taking pix, heck, we even both learned German. I've missed him and his friendship. over the past few years we haven't really been in touch much. lots of stuff has happened in his life and I semi-think he's ashamed to talk to me. major big things happened and I can understand why he'd be ashamed. but I still love him no matter what and I'm praying for him. he did what he did out of fear. I don't know if he regrets it or not, but the fact that he's not talking to me says a lot. anyhow, I'm going way off on a tangent I was not expecting. I meant to be going on the fact that we're a lot alike. I've missed that connection with him. I've actually never had a friend as close as he was and we became close in such a short time. I was only there for 2 months. we knew and understood each other's thoughts way too perfectly. like I said, fun yet creepy. the thing is, most people would assume that when you're that close to a person that if you're of the opposite sex "obviously" you're gonna like the person. definitely not the case for us. we just liked spending time with each other. he had a g/f (who totally broke his heart and I'm still mad at about that) and he always knew who I was interested in. we helped each other out in that arena as much as possible... and also teased each other to no end. I fully deserved it! haha

anyhowwwwwwwww..... all this has to do with events from this past week. I've been "forced" into a friendship with someone and just this week we discovered how much alike we are. on top of that, we were practically around each other 24/7 because of the circumstances. so yeah, we got to know each other really well. we didn't even have to talk at times to communicate. there were times when it was very convenient and then other times when it was uber creepy ("GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!) and the rest of the time it was just fun/funny. I'm glad to once again have a friend around that is like me and can understand my thought processes. but yesterday I felt like I had a leash around my neck and a muzzle keeping me from being who I am. it was awful. I could almost physically feel the tension. it had nothing to do with anything between us personally but rather the presence of a third person. that third person would be his girlfriend. I think she is a really nice girl and have tried to get to know her. but I don't think she trusts me. I feel bad because I would never intentionally do anything to mess with their relationship. I am not interested in him in any way other than a friend and I'm quite sure he feels the same way about me. I want her to know that but to also know that he is my friend and I do enjoy talking with him and goofing off. because we seemingly share the same brain at times, I can understand how unnerving that could be... anyhow, I felt so bad yesterday when she was in the room and we just couldn't be ourselves. I don't think it was even intentional that it happened that way. we just stopped talking. but then she'd leave the room and we'd go back to normal. I thought maybe my sleep deprivation and caffeine rush was making the whole thing more exaggerated and was trying to ignore it... but even a 14-yr-old girl that had been in the room the whole time mentioned it to me and said the tension in the room was really thick and that it seemed everyone was uncomfortable. all I really want is for him and his girlfriend to have their relationship and for our friendship to not affect it. but I don't see how that's going to happen. I feel bad. it's not like I want to be best friends with him or anything. I'm not gonna call him during the week unless it's about work. I might text him random things, but it'd be something he'd understand and could laugh at (most likely) or be about work. I just want our time together at work to be a relaxing and fun atmosphere, as it has been, and that we don't have to adjust who we are to prove to others that there's nothing going on between us. we just have to deal with the fact that we're a lot alike and can get along well... and will probably drive each other crazy at the same time cuz I'm figuring we also have a lot of the same weaknesses/downfalls. we already share this stupid workaholic tendency. (Homer Simpson: "I'm a rage-a-holic. I'm addicted to rage-a-hol!" I guess that makes us addicted to workahol?)

enough about that... Gabe's a pastor now. really, I saw this day coming for years but could never imagine it. I feel bad that I missed his party. I went for a few minutes, but as soon as I got down there my brain went fuzzy and I realized how tired I was. maybe I should've just had another Rockstar? NAH! I'm surprised I had all that caffeine yesterday and Sat. and that I was actually able to fall asleep at night. that's how exhausted I was. so yeah, Gabe's a pastor. it's going to be a while before I grasp that concept. I still have problems not refering to him as Goober! I wonder if calling pastor Goober would soften the shock of it? but I'm prooud of him and glad that he's willing to take these steps. and YES we want to have a studio and make movies and then... and then... AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN! I didn't quit my job teaching at a school to sit at a desk job all the time. I wanna help make this all happen. somehow I've always felt "comfortable" in the industry. even with the band in Korea, everyone was a little surprised at how relaxed and natural I was in all the situations. it was a fun adventure that I'll never forget. I love music and I love being in a fast paced environment and I don't think of "stars" as special (they're just people, darn it! haha), so I'm very relaxed when it comes to working with famous people. wow, I don't know how I got on this subject...

a few weeks ago I got a new chiropractor. last Thurs. I was in SO MUCH PAIN. I can't believe I made it through the day. I only cried once. I think that was the miracle of the day. so yeah, I'm having lots of adjustments done on my neck/back. he's also determined that during my car accident 2 1/2 yrs ago I either stretched or tore a ligament in my knee. gee... that's info I could have used 2 1/2 yrs ago! even in June before going to Tijuana I was feeling really guilty about my knee still being so sensitive. I was wondering if it was just my imagination and that my knee isn't actually that bad. normally when I travel I'll bring a knee brace with me just in case I'll be doing stuff I'm not sure my knee can handle. but because of that guilt I decided not to bring one on the trip. knowing what I know now, I'm grateful we didn't play soccer then even though I bought new shoes just because I thought we might have the chance to play soccer. (yeah, I LOVE SOCCER!!!) if anything happened I could've really screwed up my knee and when I play soccer, I PLAY SOCCER. I did do lots of construction, though. and I know exactly what I did that I shouldn't have. I was kneeling a lot to do drilling. any time I could maneuver my body so that I didn't have to be kneeling, I would... but I guess I had already messed my knee up by then as it hurt quite bad for several days (I had a noticable limp) and is still achy right now. I'm doing a lot better about taking care of my body now than I was even just a year ago... but I still need to learn not to push myself too far. I hate not being able to do stuff and admitting it. I mean, I can physically do it, but I shouldn't as it causes me much pain in the long run. and that's what I hate admitting. so I have a tendency to push myself to the point of no return and then I have nobody to blame for the pain but myself.

ok, I don't know what else to say. I woke up at 7:00am this morning out of habit. I almost cried. I tried to get back to sleep. I was in and out of sleep for about 2 1/2 hrs. most of it was spent me being wide awake, whining in my head at the fact that I'm exhausted but can't sleep and I didn't even have caffeine this morning. haha of course, around the time I woke up people around the house started making noise and made it even harder for me to go back to sleep. it sucked. I am feeling relaxed today, though. my plan is to go get a massage tonight. I love massages. I think I'm addicted to them. I wish I had a cheaper addiction. but I guess this is a necessary addiction, so I don't feel as bad about it. and I do limit myself as to how often I go (unless I'm in China... then I go whenever I darn feel like it! haha), so I guess it could be worse. before going for a massage... maybe I'll just go and sit at Starbucks and read. that sounds relaxing. I wonder how many hours I can waste doing that.

well, I'm off now... I haven't written a blog in several weeks and want to start getting back into it. just wish I had the opportunity. I really do hate not having internet at home. it makes life inconvenient. oh well. I can deal with it.