~workaholic~

my goodness, I'm such a workaholic! and also cuz I'm observant, I tend to anticipate needs before other people do and I start working on those before people even realize something needs to be done...

why did I start thinking about this? oh yeah... cuz I was just at a team meeting for the leaders in my cell group & when I left I thought I'd tell the big boss (lol... ok, not so much the big boss... but he's the head leader and I often times feel like his p.a.) that once I finally got enough sleep and am not sick/losing my voice, that I'd like to lead worship again... I almost started giggling at the thought, cuz I realize that that may NEVER happen. I mean, the sleep/not sick thing, not the leading worship thing. the only time I was caught up on sleep was the first year after coming back from China and even then I was just doing catch-up sleep for the 4 years of lack of sleep in China. the odd thing is that in China, even though I got home almost every night after 10:00 from tutoring/working/hanging out with friends & students, I never really got as tired as I do here. life there is somehow slower and less stressful... yet I was working in a high stress environment and never seemed to have a down time. how confusing. maybe I should have Jenn tell her p.o.v. on this... she said pretty much the same thing about this summer in China, and really we were ALWAYS doing something. it's an interesting phenomena. I remember full well being tired in China and not having enough time in the day to do all that was needed... but I don't ever remember being SO TIRED. and I also remember that teachers that came to the school after I left heard all about me... apparently they never did live up to my standard of how much should be done and the principal/leadership let them know that I always did more than what they were doing... (proof I'm a workaholic...) I feel bad for them as I know I tend to go above and beyond the call of duty and when I leave it's hard to fill my shoes. I've seen the same thing happen at church. I leave for a few weeks and when I come back I find that it took several people to fill my position, not everything was done properly, stuff got screwed up, people went crazy (lol), etc, etc, etc. I've tried training people, but nobody REALLY wants to commit to doing what I do. they want to have their hand in several different things and this job is pretty much an unnoticed one... so they might want to do it once a week or something, but they never really want to fully learn everything that needs to be done and know it like the back of their hand (definitely needed... ). also, flexibility is a must. if you're a person that HAS to go by a certain format or don't handle last minute changes well... yeah, this job is not for you. hahaha

so, how did I become such a workaholic? good question... I really don't know. I do know that I don't like being bored. I'd rather sleep than be bored. I started helping at a science summer school in jr. high. I helped every summer up until the year before I moved to China (oh my goodness, that was a LONG time!)... I also worked at a bowling alley while I was in jr. high... and in elementary school, my teacher asked me to tutor the new Chinese students in English. and when I first gave my life to God, I started helping in the nursery and Sunday school. once in those positions, I anticipated needs and moved up the ladder of command and somehow ended up in positions that I was NEEDED. in the science summer school, the teachers I assisted trusted me so much and knew I knew the lessons front and back (I helped them for the same 4 courses every year) that if they were running late they knew the lesson was safe with me cuz I could teach it. I had so much fun with those classes... :-) anyhow, uhhh.. what was my point? well, whatever... basically, I'm sometimes considered a necessity and have often be told I need to clone myself. honestly, I think that's a scary idea! more than one of me... frightening! :-P

I've actually made great strides in not being so much of a workaholic... if you didn't know me you wouldn't be able to see that, though. I think I mainly started being a workaholic because of (1) boredom, (2) it's easier to do something when I see the need than it is to try to find someone to help me with it and explain to them what needs to be done and how, (3) being observant and noticing needs before anyone else.

ok, that's my spiel on my workaholism... not sure what else I have to say right now.

you know... people are confusing! ok, not so much "people" (as I observe people a lot and have a pretty good understanding of people... I'm a closet sociologist. LOL ) as a "someone". anyhow... this person confuses me. so many people have similar ideas on what that person is thinking... but that person claims otherwise. but actions show differently. confusion in my head ensues. oh well. one day, hopefully soon (!!!!!!!!!!!!!), it'll all get figured out and I can go on my merry way without wondering what's going on.

I think that's all I really want to say for now. I'll save more thoughts for tomorrow. hopefully I'll be off work and home early enough to get stuff done... I need to work on that one Chinese assignment as well as prepare for cell group Wed night.

just cuz I can... I want to include this odd video that came with this worship program I use at church. it kinda makes me laugh~ there are a few other little clips with this chick... I think it's goofy/funny. yeah, that's all...